Magic Snake Oil.

Power Balance Bracelets, have you seen them? Have you tried them? They are an amazing product. Apparently, they contain a hologram that vibrates at the same frequency as the brown note, make you a super gymnast, a better parent, and $30 poorer.

I have, through, exhaustive unscientific research, figured out how they work. They are $h!t. That's right, they are made of actual dung. But not just any dung. The dung of mountain goats, which we all know, have really good balance. That makes sense right? Well, it makes as about as much sense as the actual claims made by the bracelet. If you check out their website:http://www.powerbalance.com/powerbalance you will notice they actually don't say that it does anything at all. Just that it is favored by athletes where power, balance, flexibility, good looks, and huge endorsement deals are important. I may have made a few of those up.

Why do I care? Because when I get up on stage I say I'm doing magic tricks. I don't claim to have any sort of supernatural ability (other than amazing hair) but these folks are using old magic tricks to sell snake oil and that pisses me off. If anyone remembers Johnathan Edwards, Sylvia Brown, or Miss. Cleo, you may know what I'm talking about. They were Television physics that talked to dead people or saw the future. I pretend to predict things in my act but you pay for the whole show and you know its BS. These people charge poor unfortunate souls per session to talk to ghosts. It just winds my crank. Anyone who uses magic tricks, claiming they are true, to take people's money deserve a slow, painful, death.

If you watch any of the video pitches for balance bracelets in them they perform a balance test. First they have the victim (er I mean patient) stand and they basically push them over. Then they give them the bracelet and do the exact same thing again. Well, guess what? You don't fall over as much. My God! It must be the bracelet! Or could it be so simple that you know what to expect so you sub-conscientiously prepare for it? I'll make you a bet it's number two.

Holy Crap. It's conditioning. Ring Pavlov's bell the fight it over. So it's science. But if you cloak it in deception, that to me makes it a magic trick. And oh my ire you stir when you take magic tricks and claim they are true.

So, stay clear of Medical Quackery and don't do magic tricks and claim they are science or you I will stab you with an unbreakable pocket comb switchblade.

In the Beginning....

...was the word. So, word. To your momma.

I've always liked New Years Eve. Not for the reasons you are thinking. Sure the gigs are good. Yeah, I enjoy a party just as much as anyone else. But the real reason I like it, is that it's one of those times where you are really encouraged to look forward and plan.

When you graduate it is called "commencement." I'm sure most people think the word means, "the end of school" but it really means the beginning of something. Around Thanksgiving people start "looking back" at the year they have had. There is no harm in looking back. You cannot know where you are going without knowing where you have been but I think there is too much time spent on looking back. Then comes the New Year and everyone instantly sets their gaze forward. But for how long and to what purpose? Have you ever been to the gym on January 2nd? It's packed. I mean crazy busy. My favorite part is the people standing in line to run on the treadmill. They do know they can just run around the gym or outside (if it's not barbarian cold outside). Anyway, go on the 3rd, less people. The 6th, even less. And by the 15th its back to the regulars. What happens? Everyone says, I'm going to get in shape and then they trail off. Why? The same reason most people don't finish most things; they fail to plan.

Ah, the plan. The stinky, stinky, plan. Everyone has one. But how many people have written it down? Who has broken it down into doable actions? Who has short, medium, and long term goals as part of their plan?

Being a Chicago Magician, specializing in magic for corporate and college events, I've had years with a plan and years without a plan and let me tell you. The years with a plan worked out much better.

So start now and I'll see you in the future.

Edd answers readers mail

We've now come to my new favorite segment of the blog: Ask a Chicago Comedy Magician

Reader Lisa A asks: What's the difference between an effect and a production?

Thanks for the question Lisa and thanks for reading my blog. Effect and production are two magician terms for things everyone else calls something else. See, magicians usually think very highly of themselves. So much so that the common magician word for non-magicians is “laity” or “lay people.” Which is the same term that clergy use for non-clergy people. So magicians think of themselves in the same order as priests. Which, I might add, is probably not a group magicians what to get lumped in with right now. I know what some of you are saying, “I thought it was 'muggle.'” Well it's not. First off, that word just came into popular use in the last 10 years or so and magicians have thought better of themselves for centuries. Also, I think if you use that word professionally you have to pay JK Rowling a commission.

So, back to the question at hand. What is an effect? It's a fancy word for “trick.” Most people would say, “The magician performed the trick where he links and un-links the rings.” Well, “trick” was too unrefined for the tail coat and top hat crowd. So, they call them effects. The magician would say, “I performed the linking rings effect.” Give me a break.

The word production can mean two things. A theatrical show is often called a production and trust me putting on a theatrical show is a production. In magician-ese “production” is the term for what most folks would call a magical appearance. The members of society that don't pretend to have magical powers would say,”He did that trick where he made the elephant appear.” When magicians use the word production I can't decide if they are making the elephant in a factory or if they are birthing it on stage. The first would be really boring and the second is illegal in Illinois.

Next time on Magician Madness, we answer more reader mail.

Edd Fairman is a corporate and comedy magician from Chicago. He lives with a 1000 crazy pets and one beautiful assistant.

Thanks, now please pass the Turkey.

Well it's happened again. I've been gone from my blog for too long but this time it was Thanksgivings fault! Erin and I hosted our friends Geoff and Kate and their dogs for a wonderful meal. Erin made the best turkey I've ever had (sorry Mom and Grandma). Here is a picture of it right after Geoff started to carve it.

Isn't that thing gorgeous? And it was oh so good!

Speaking of Thanksgiving I'm going to give thanks right here right now. Being a comedy magician one has to have a great support network. I am very lucky to have one. My family has always been super supportive of what I've wanted to do. Never once did they tell me to get "a real job." My father built some of the props that I still use today. My mother sewed costumes and my sister was my lovely assistant for a time. My parents did give me some very practical advice. My father relayed to me the old maxim, "Work smarter, not harder." My mother's advice was bit more family survival orientated. She said, "Don't do anything you will regret later." I think she was talking about pornography but she may have also meant crappy movies and magic shows dressed as Batman (ah as story for another time).

My Grandparents have also been a great support. I am very lucky to still have three living grandparents. My Grandma Cramer got me one of my first gigs when I performed for a dinner at her senior center. My Grandpap Fairman refurbished and antique card table for me that I still occasionally use. That is not to forget all my aunts and uncles. My Aunt Judy is one of my biggest fans and any show she attends she is easy to spot. She laughs so hard at anything I say she sometimes cries. My Aunt Regina is always slipping a few bucks into my pocket when I visit home, “for gas money” and my whole family has hired me more than once to perform at the family Christmas Party.

When you move 500 miles from your nearest family member the support network you relay on are you friends. I have to say (of course I am biased) that I have the best friends in the world! I know if I need anything they are always there to help. More than likely most of the people reading this blog are the very friends I am talking about. So, Thanks.

December is a very busy month for me with many corporate comedy magic shows packed into the first three weeks. Then I will be off to Pennsylvania to visit my family. So, I hope not to be gone too long again.

Where have I been all my life?

I know what you are thinking, “I've been reading Magician Madness every week and I loved its humor and I dream every night that I would wake up one day and be Edd Fairman. But where has he and the blog been?” There are a few excuses, and a few reasons for that. But first, thank you so much for noticing I am so awesome that you dream to be me each night.

So why haven't I written in almost a month?

Excuses:

I was trapped in a mine. Not in Chile. And not very far underground. Actually it wasn't even a mine, it was just a pile of junk in my basement storage room that fell on me. Ok, so trapped is probably a strong word but annoyed is definitely the right emotion.

I was dead at the time. This also explains why I haven't paid my Chicago Property taxes. So, stop asking Maria Pappas.

My dog ate my blog. Any of you that have met my dog, Teller (not the magician) knows he could eat a blog. In the past he has eaten a discussion board, a bulletin board, and a dart board.

I was waiting for the perfect time to post this blog. And today (no matter what day you are reading this) is the perfect day. According to a tarot reader, a astrologer, and the perfect amount of left overs in my fridge (just enough to not have too cook but not so much that you get bored with them) today was the day I had to post this blog.

Reasons:

I was really busy.

I was in Davenport. I realize that sounds like an excuse but really it's a reason. I was really busy there. For four days I attended the APCA Midwest programing conference. I was there to promote my Comedy Magic Show for Colleges and Universities. It was a great experience. I got to meet 40 of the Student Activity Directors from around the Midwest. I had an exhibit booth and I did a performance during one of the many showcases.

Here is a picture of the booth:

I think it looks really professional. The banners were designed by Karl Ziemer of Karl Fred Design. Erin did all the booth decorating and arranging. I should have a video of my performance to post soon. I will update here.

I really want to thank Erin and Dennis Watkins (http://www.denniswatkins.net) for all their help at the conference. This was Erin and my first conference and Dennis was a familiar face and he had some good advice. I also got to hang out with my friend and local Chicago entertainer, Sheri Winkleman (http://www.marilynshows.com).

The Real Work

People always ask me about my job. Being a comic magician is a great way to make a living. I guess people ask because it's such an unusual job. If I think about it, I really only work about 8 hours a week. But that is a very select interpretation. I only perform a few hours a week but I work probably closer to 70 hours a week. After I write that number I am inclined to ask myself, "Why?" Part of it comes down to what Chris Rock says. "When you have a career you never have enough time. When you have a job there is too much time."

You can see the clip I am talking about here. Warning it is filled with adult language and is not safe for work. It is Chris Rock, so you probably know what to expect.

Actually I am working right now; reminding you that I am a comedy magician for college and corporate events. But that's not really what this is about is it? I am working many hours but my goal is to get much of my business hands off and automated. The first thing I did was hire an assistant. Right now she only works 8 hours a week for me but I am planning as my business grows she will be working more. The work never actually goes away it has to be dispersed or distributed. That used to be a very hard thing for me. I never used to trust anyone to do anything that involved my business. Learning to trust is such an important thing but so hard to do. I don't care how many times you fall into the arms of a friend or a group at camp it's not the same when its your lively hood. Heck, when I was a teenager I used to jump and fall off of things all the time for laughs. So how does one learn to trust? I can answer that but of course there is a “How To” article that will teach you in only 7 steps! As Colonel Potter used to say, “Horse Hockey!”

Boy this is a bit of a meandering post today but I've been away from this blog for so long. I was out of town for 10 days attending my sister's wedding and doing a show. Which I plan to write about at some point. Well until then dear readers, Namaste.

Seriously People, I'm trying to be funny here.

Comedy is a dangerous business. What I may think is super funny may not be funny to you at all. In my comedy magic show I often improvise with the audience volunteers and with situations that arise during the show. This of course leads to certain number of jokes that don't work. I think of it as a matter of percentage. If you tell more jokes in a day than the average person then you will have a larger number of them bomb. Boy there is no feeling quite like coming up with something on the spot that you think is hilarious and it just falls flat. It's like a little part of you dies right there on stage. Of course when a bit hits that you've just created right there it's like you suddenly grow wings.

So, this is where you have to ask yourself, "Do I risk it?" I know some comedians that if they think something is funny they will say it, no matter what. Even if no one laughs night after night. Of course there have been comedians who broke new ground and barriers doing this but there have also been others who just languished in obscurity. There are also examples of comedians who are very precise in their material and never say anything that would offend. There are many examples of this type, most of whom were given sitcoms. So, as a comedian I have to ask myself, do I only do material they couldn't possibly offend or do I do I stay true to myself?

Staying true to myself doesn't mean I'm going to go around and say lots of naughty words but it does mean I'm going to have some fun. I recently read an article about performing magic for businesses and corporate functions that said you can never joke about the boss or the employees. Sure you don't want to make the hackney old jokes about the boss or the underlings but geez if you can't even take a joke maybe you shouldn't hire a comic magician. Sure a guy who is over weight doesn't want to be called fat nor is that very funny. It's too easy. I still haven't found a name for the type of comedy I do. My friend Jason describes it as Gentle mocking or Humble teasing. I guess if you can't take that you shouldn't hire me.

I can just hear some of my business guru pals freaking out by me saying that someone shouldn't hire me. But if I have to choose between not getting a gig and being generic I'll choose not getting the gig.

Remember folks, keep it funny and keep it honest.

Look out Dundee!

This weekend pretty much wraps up the Festival Season. There are a few fall festivals where I will be entertaining but nearly as many as the summer time ones. This weekend I will be appearing at the West Dundee Heritage Fest on stilts and juggling. That's right besides being a professional corporate and college magician I also walk on stilts.

Here are a couple of older pictures on the left from New Years Day in Naperville several years ago and the one on the right was taken at the lake front in 2003 or 04.

So, if you are in West Dundee this Saturday, look me up! (That's a really bad stilt joke.)

I was in Good Hands.

On Saturday I had the great pleasure to perform at the AllState Company Picnic. It is great to see a company that still celebrates its employees. The company provides tons of entertainment for the employees and they don't spend any time making speeches or presentations. They had a great cover band, a juggling show, stilt walkers, and me doing my corporate close up strolling magic.

They also have amusement rides, a craft fair, and a few dog adoption groups. Also the food is very good.

I've done this event for the past three years and even saw some familiar faces. It always amazing me how much the kids can change over a year. Which is weird because I am obviously not any older. How do they get older?

The Day to Labor

I am not a Laborer, I am a comic magician but I do work hard. Today I worked an awesome gig for the Chicago Federation of Labor's Labor Day picnic. It was great to get to hang out with so many down to earth people. I've always liked the Blue Collar crowd, they remind me of the folks I grew up around in rural Pennsylvania.

The event really had great music. When I thought, "Labor organization picnic," I didn't think, "great music." But of course, all the musicians are going to be members of the musicians union which means they are above average musicians. I was talking about this to one of the guests and he ask me how the magicians union was. Of course there is no magicians union. Should there be? I'm not really sure what they would get us. We really do have awesome jobs! We get paid to go to parties, have a good time, and do the thing we love. Could we ask for more?

Seeing Friends Succeed

On August 24th when I performed at Notre Dame University's Opening Mass Picnic I had the pleasure of having dinner with my friend McKenna Pencak. She is the coordinator of International Student Activities at ND.

I got the change to ask her about her work at ND. It was so awesome to hear how excited she is about her new job. McKenna is one of my favorite people in the world and I am so happy to see her succeed.

Here is a pic of me and her being silly, enjoying some comedy magic and enjoying our eyebrows.

I look at my circle of friends and I see how blessed I am to be around so many talented and hard working people. None of us right now are millionaires or are house hold names but each of them is doing really exciting stuff.

My friend Geoff designs the web interface for one of the nation's biggest retailers. My Girlfriend Erin is making costumes for a nationally renowned theatre company. My friend Jason is directing all over Chicago for some of the leading edge theatre companies. Of course if any of my other friends are reading this and I haven't mentioned you it's only to keep this brief.

So I say, soldier on my friends. We will take over this place one gig at a time.

Namaste.

Ooo No, not the Italian Silk

Saturday night I was performing for an adult birthday party. It was a great crowd of very successful 30somethings enjoying good food, a few drinks, and my show. If you have seen my show you know that one of my signature effects involves "accidentally" skewering an audience member's jacket with a big 8 inch pair of scissors. You can see a clip of it here: Comedy Magic.

In August in Chicago most people don't wear suit coats. But Saturday night I had a great one. I brought the Gentleman up and already he was a bit suspicious because he had seen the rest of the show. As I helped he off with his coat I knew I was in for a fun ride. It was the softest, nicest, sports coat I had ever seen. So on with the magic. When the scissors penetrate the coat I ask the volunteer if he knows any magic words. He says, "I'm thinking of a word!" Big laughs.

I love it when my volunteers write the jokes for me.

Reviews, Gorillas, Irish, and Car pools

My comedy magic show at the Gorilla Tango theatre is charging ahead with some awesome audiences. I've had three reviews published and they couldn't disagree more! I know all three reviewers were at the same show because I saw them there. Let's just say the one review was so bad I am not even going to link to it here. The second one was a good review (check out the Wicker Park Pipeline) and the third was such a glowing review I'm a bit embarrassed. Ok, I'm not that embarrassed. Check out the review at Making Chicago Home.
As of this writing I have two more performances, August 26 and September 2 at 8:00 PM. So, if you want to get out and have some laughs pop over to the Gorilla Tango site and pick up some tickets. I have a distinct feeling that September 2 is going to be sold out because all of my procrastinating friends will be buying tickets that night.
Today I am heading off to the Eastern Time Zone. That's right I'm going one hour into the future. I will be performing my strolling comedy magic at the Notre Dame Opening Mass Picnic. I did this event last year and it is tons of fun. The folks at ND are great hosts.
Until next time friends, Na mas dei.

Rehearsal

I've been rehearsing for my upcoming show at Gorilla Tango Theatre (http://www.gorillatango.com). I forgot how tough it really is. My hands are cramped and my shoulders are sore. I guess magic is tougher then I realized.

I am working really hard on this show because it is the first show that all of my friends, family, clients, peers, etc, etc. can come see. Usually when I meet someone new and they find out I am a magician they always ask where they can see me perform. My answer usually is, "Get invited to one of the events where I am working" because almost everything I do is private events. So, it is going to be really nice for everyone to be able to see my work.

I purposefully decided to do this show completely on my own. So, that way there was no one to blame for the success or failure of the show. I quickly realized that is not a good idea. So, I hired on a Publicist. Good move.

Know what you are good at. Me, I'm a comic magician. I am not a publicist. Hiring someone else to do things you are not good at is such a relief. Try it sometime!

What is the image you want your company to project at your event?

I am a member of a website that receives requests for entertainers. I have seen several requests lately from corporations in Chicago looking for Clowns. I have nothing personal against clowns. I have actually performed as a clown in 2001. It made me wonder is a clown the image that these companies want to present?

Obviously, a clown has worked out very well for McDonald's. Why? Because the image they want to present is that of a very fun but very inexpensive place to eat. Are you the most inexpensive company in your business? Do you offer the very least? Probably not.

So do you want a clown or an upscale corporate magician? Clowns certainly haven't cornered the market on funny and very few of them are actually entertaining. So are you serious about entertaining your clients, employees, colleagues and staff or are you just goofing around?

Putting your dreams out there.

I believe its called the attraction theory or something like that. If you say what you want you will attract it. I don't believe in it. Or at least I didn't.

I've always had a hard time saying out loud what I really want in my life and career. I know what some of you are thinking, "You? You say what ever is on your mind." But putting your dreams and goals out there, that's scary. What if I don't make it. I want to be a successful college and corporate magician in Chicago. So, what now?

I have to plan. I've read that, "those who fail to plan, plan to fail." Someone might look at my comedy magic show and think, "he's crazy, he doesn't plan anything." Maybe that's the real illusion. Next up, what am I planning?

A big thanks,

I want to give a big thanks to everyone who worked on (and continues to work on) my new site: Karl Ziemer of Karfred Design, Amaris Granado of Amaris Granado Photography, Shawn Bowers, Gil Leora, and of course Erin Gallagher. Also the video that is linked on the site was shot by Malachi Leopold of Left Brain/Right Brain Productions. It's really great getting to work with talented people that you also like personally.

Erin and I have been talking a lot recently about who we would like to work on projects with, who we currently work with and who we have worked with in the past. As any business grows you will change clients. You will find new clients, old ones will move on, and most importantly you can move on from bad clients.

I used to work for an "agent" who would take 50% of the fee for the booking. She booked some the worst gigs, had the ugliest business cards and still did everything on paper. When I would complain to her about how much she took on each gig she would say that she spent over $2000 a month in advertising. I was flabbergasted. I spend a 1/10th of that. She had no idea that if she wasn't such a pain to work for she would keep good talent then she wouldn't have to spend so much to get new clients all the time. The only talent that continued to work for her were pretty awful. Anyone who was any good or had any sense of show business would move on as soon as possible. I was so happy the day I could tell her I wasn't available. I will say that it was great to get my foot in the door here in Chicago with her when I first moved here. But I quickly out grew her and was able to dump a bad client.

Erin and I have recently started working with some really awesome people. Of course they all know each other! I met Karl Ziemer of Karlfred Design (http://www.karlfred.net) via Erin's friend Erin Annarella (http://www.thesingingyogini.com/). We have also been working with Annie and Keith of Vaudezilla Productions (http://www.vaudezilla.com). Erin met Annie independently but then when we got to know them it turns out Keith works with my close friend Claire Wedemeyer (http://www.clairewedemeyer.com/).

This brings me to two points: 1. Good people are hard to find and work closely with each other and 2. don't tick anyone off because all of the other people will know about it. I used to work with an entertainer who was late for a few gigs and then didn't show up at one at all! Because what we do is so subjective the only concrete things a client has to judge you on is if you were on time and how much they paid. Everything else is just opinion. This entertainer had to work for a year or more for some agents and clients to hire her again. Other agents won't ever work with her ever again. Which is really too bad because she is super talented.

So, what am I trying to say? Pick who you work with carefully, be good to your clients, and don't work for clients (which include agents) that aren't good to you.

Big gigs everyone.