Magic Snake Oil.

Power Balance Bracelets, have you seen them? Have you tried them? They are an amazing product. Apparently, they contain a hologram that vibrates at the same frequency as the brown note, make you a super gymnast, a better parent, and $30 poorer.

I have, through, exhaustive unscientific research, figured out how they work. They are $h!t. That's right, they are made of actual dung. But not just any dung. The dung of mountain goats, which we all know, have really good balance. That makes sense right? Well, it makes as about as much sense as the actual claims made by the bracelet. If you check out their website:http://www.powerbalance.com/powerbalance you will notice they actually don't say that it does anything at all. Just that it is favored by athletes where power, balance, flexibility, good looks, and huge endorsement deals are important. I may have made a few of those up.

Why do I care? Because when I get up on stage I say I'm doing magic tricks. I don't claim to have any sort of supernatural ability (other than amazing hair) but these folks are using old magic tricks to sell snake oil and that pisses me off. If anyone remembers Johnathan Edwards, Sylvia Brown, or Miss. Cleo, you may know what I'm talking about. They were Television physics that talked to dead people or saw the future. I pretend to predict things in my act but you pay for the whole show and you know its BS. These people charge poor unfortunate souls per session to talk to ghosts. It just winds my crank. Anyone who uses magic tricks, claiming they are true, to take people's money deserve a slow, painful, death.

If you watch any of the video pitches for balance bracelets in them they perform a balance test. First they have the victim (er I mean patient) stand and they basically push them over. Then they give them the bracelet and do the exact same thing again. Well, guess what? You don't fall over as much. My God! It must be the bracelet! Or could it be so simple that you know what to expect so you sub-conscientiously prepare for it? I'll make you a bet it's number two.

Holy Crap. It's conditioning. Ring Pavlov's bell the fight it over. So it's science. But if you cloak it in deception, that to me makes it a magic trick. And oh my ire you stir when you take magic tricks and claim they are true.

So, stay clear of Medical Quackery and don't do magic tricks and claim they are science or you I will stab you with an unbreakable pocket comb switchblade.